“To Be heard” – by Adult Survivor

Canvas“TO BE HEARD” – A poem by: Helouise Steenkamp (Adult Survivor)

Tell me the words to use, the sentence structure to mould
To give a voice to the untold
Can these embodied words be found in the pages of a Library?
Or maybe in the penned rules of a dictionary?

Nothing … No answer, no whisper or echo of anything that has been
Facing the stark white emptiness of a clean canvas screen
No mark, no pencil lines or paint brush strokes to define
Running parallel lines, between these symbols and my inner rhyme

Did it happen when a small baby girl cried for love and attention,
But her need cruelly denied, receiving Motherless care:
‘Just feed it, clean it and put to bed’
Showing no affection; emotions towards the baby, all dead!

Did it happen when the baby grew up with words of disapproval
Parents actions dictating her as being a mistake
Stamping ‘free license’ upon her; for predators hunting by the hour
Seeking for young innocent prey to devour
Leaving her broken body and mind, feeling dirty and defiled

Spending her life desperately seeking to please the “Lucky Few”
Who have gained acceptance, pretty and smart with high IQ’s
Those that are to be loved and known
Yearning for their approval, to just maybe feel a little less alone

But they are too caught up in their own being
Too happy that they are not one of the unseen
Sparing no time for her unspoken pleas to also be heard and seen

They only know her, when they can use her
Her happiness at being included, very quickly concluded
Leaving deep bleeding scars of abused suffering
That all those around her choose should remain unseen
It is not about you, but what you can do

Am I really a mistake, causing everyone distaste?
Contemplating, consider, ponder, turmoil going round and round
Following the maize of distorted paths in my mind
Driven by self contempt for destruction bound
Will be much easier to rather, end it just like my alcoholic father
The ultimate act of desperation — to be dead much rather

A flash of life spoken into my mind
“Accept the kingdom of God like a child”
God shows amazing grace to me
That makes pleasing people the idol, and serving Him the purpose to be
His message of salvation freeing me from condemnation
Healing my inner turmoil thru this amazing revelation

He called me by name, and rescued me from my inner pain
Painting big bright coloured strokes of being loved and seen
On my use-to-be clean and empty canvas screen

– A poem by: Helouise Steenkamp (Adult Survivor)


About Helouise Steenkamp

I'm a 45 plus, Devoted Wife and Mother. Adonai has blessed us with two Amazingly Wonderful Sons. We have had the privilege of being Place of Safety parents for 1 1/2 years and there after foster parents to a Darling Princess for 5 years. She was reconciled with her biological parents in Dec'14. Our hearts are still aching from the loss, but we know that as we trust Adonai with our salvation, so we can trust Him with her future. We welcomed our new 4 year old foster child on 05JUN'15.
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